


Not the Girl You Think I Am

by Stormwing_Queen



Series: Nothing's Ever Lost Forever [2]
Category: Tortall - Fandom, Tortall - Tamora Pierce
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dark, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/M, Fluff and Smut, I suck at tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-18
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2020-10-21 10:47:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20692247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stormwing_Queen/pseuds/Stormwing_Queen
Summary: Continuing where "Everything is Mine to Lose" left off...George and Alanna are now a thing, but Jon is getting nowhere trying to court his dream woman. She is hiding secrets, but what are they? Can he figure it out and convince her to give him a shot?Meanwhile, Numair and Daine get closer now she's finishing school. Is there any chance that all the teasing and rumours are on the nose? Is there something more between them?Before anything can be settled, a revelation comes out about Ozorne and Numair's past that threatens to change everything all over again.





	1. Set Fire to My Heart

And under wild blue skies  
Marble movie skies  
I found a home in your eyes  
We would never be apart

_Daniel - Bat For Lashes_

“NO!” cried Jon, grabbing his face in his hands. “Come on that was a practice roll, let me have a do-over.” He was getting more and more exasperated at the evening went on to the amusement of everyone watching. Badger snorted, shaking his head as the rest of the assembled group laughed at Jon’s distress. Even Cloud joined in, lifting her head and whining softly, as she stretched out on the floor, lazily scratching her ear before returning her muzzle to its resting place.

“Ok, so Jon managed to set off the trap, catching both Miri and Evan in the blast,” Badger confirmed with a smirk. For the previous few weeks, Numair had dragged Jon along to D&D night, delighting Badger by providing a new victim. The barman certainly got a kick out of playing god over the “posh boys” and Numair was happy that Badger had moved on to torment someone else. That he had managed to get Jon to be social and stop brooding on whatever was bothering him was just the icing on the cake.

Since Onua’s party, Jon had been missing-in-action more often than not. Everyone assumed that it was because he was tender over the breakup with Alanna, but that wasn’t it. He had known deep down for years that George was the better match for her, and was exceedingly happy for his two friends. They were sickeningly happy together, which was sweet, and as much as it stung, he couldn’t be angry at his best friend. It just made Jon sickeningly jealous. 

Since the night of Onua’s party, he had been unable to get Thayet out of his thoughts. They had danced most of the night, flirting with each other with words and tantalizing touches. At the end of the night when he asked if he would see her again she just laughed, reminding him he was friends with her cousins so it was highly likely. She disappeared before he could get her number, and he hadn’t seen her since. Not outside of his dreams anyway.

When he learned that she was staying outside of town at the ranch he had immediately insisted that he and Numair should hang out more often. He had hoped it would lead to a few meet-cute moments with the beauty that haunted his thoughts. Instead, all he got was tortured by a sadistic barman and the odd mention of her name. She seemed determined to avoid him, and it made him all the more determined to see her again. Now that he had managed to render his alter-ego unconscious, he took the opportunity to do some digging into the object of his obsession.

“How are things out at Onua’s with the new housemate?” he asked nonchalantly, although his query was anything but.

“Thayet? Oh, she’s great!” Daine gushed. “She’s amazing with the horses, but that’ll be the K’miri in her of course. She told me her Ma taught her to ride as a kid so she’s always had them around, kinda like me and Cloud. Onua and Buri and her seem really close, they’re always hanging out and talking about home. Onua is really happy she made it here.”

“I don’t doubt she is,” Numair interjected. “I imagine Onua and Buri are worried about all their family back in Sarain. The K’miri are far worse off than anyone realised, Thayet got out at the right time. There was another report in the Herald just today; more evidence of Adigun jin Wilima’s abuse of the K’miri and some rumours about what really happened to his wife. Civil war is looking closer and closer.”

Jon sighed, Numair having derailed the conversation away from his intended path. Thayet had certainly gotten out of Sarain just in time; in the last week or so stories had started to appear in the papers about the regime under the current ruler, Warlord Adigun jin Wilima. The native K’miri being treated as second class citizens was not news, but the details now emerging painted a much more disturbing picture. It was all anyone could seem to talk about.

“It’s rough,” Jon said, trying to get the conversation back on track. “Have they mentioned anything about the news stories to either of you?” 

“Not really,” Daine said, looking uncomfortable. “I think Thayet just wants to forget it all. She keeps saying she just wants to be like any other person. I… well I think it was hard on her, she doesn’t have anyone left over there, not since her Ma died.” Her voice trailed off at the end, and Numair reached over to squeeze her hand softly.

“Thinking of Onua,” he spoke brightly, yet again changing the subject. “I’ve been meaning to ask if you can you get her to give you the weekend off at the end of the month? A friend, well an old teacher actually, is in town and I would like to introduce you to him.” He smiled at Daine, and Jon noted that the darkness in her countenance lifted as he did, replaced by a wry smile.

“A teacher? So, this is another attempt to talk me into university I take it,” she asked, shaking her head and setting her curls bouncing. “No, I’m not letting Onua down for another one of your hail Mary attempts to talk me into something that is not going to happen. Anyway, surely, I should go to work so I can afford university. Can’t I just meet him after work or is the plan to tie me down and make me listen until I relent. I’ll tell you now Numair, if you want to tie me up, you’ll need to make it worth my while.”

Numair blushed under his swarthy complexion at Daine’s insinuation, and the assembled group at the table laughed at his expense. Recovering himself, he glared at Daine. Not entirely angry, he still wished she would take this seriously.

“Daine you’re graduating in another month. You’ve caught up with your peers, more than caught up, you’re excelling. You could easily achieve whatever you want. So yes, I would like you to meet him and hear what he has to say. And I’d like you to take off the whole weekend because he is a zoologist and he is going to be visiting some research projects in Port Caynn. Lindhall thought you might like to see the work they are doing with the local Cetacean population.” Her eyes lit up, and he knew he had her attention. New animals to meet would always get priority over anything else in her life, except Cloud.

“Cetacean, you mean Whales and Dolphins?” she asked excitedly, and he nodded. “Well, why didn’t you say. I’ll ask as soon as I get in.” Numair snorted, and his laughter was quickly accompanied by giggles from Miri, then Evin, before Badger eventually rolled his eyes and insisted they return to the game at hand.

* * *

Once the game had ended and everyone had dispersed, Jon found himself lingering at the bar where George stood checking over inventory. After a few minutes of small talk, the bar owner turned from his task and poured two large glasses of whiskey.

“Now I know ye’ not just hangin’ about to shoot the shit with me,” George said, pushing one glass toward his friend and taking a sip of the other. “So, get to the point so I can get this inventory finished, and go home to shag your ex.”

George winked lustily at Jon, who dissolved into laughter. Regaining control of himself, he sighed and downed the glass in front of him, before sharing every detail of how Thayet was driving him crazy. She wouldn’t come out with Onua or Buri, didn’t respond to any of the messages he sent. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, literally taking his breath away, and she was ignoring his every advance. Did Alanna say something to put her off, was he that terrible he didn’t even want to be friendly?

“It’s not about you Jon,” George told him, confirming what his rational mind had begun to suspect. “She and Alanna never spend time together in the city, it’s always out at the ranch. I reckon you show up for that do that Onua’s throwin’ for Daine’s graduation you’ll get your shot.”

“I know, I just needed someone else to confirm it's about coming into the city not about me,” Jon sighed, sipping on his drink this time.

“Aye,” George nodded sagely in agreement. “I don’t think the lass has any objection to the thought of you and cumming, not if the giggles coming from her and Alanna when they chat are anything to go by. Then again, it may be they’re discussing me and my giant cock, yeah that’ll be it.”

“Good God George,” Jon laughed, shaking his head at his friend. “You’re in fine form tonight, trying to kill me with innuendo. Couldn’t you pick on someone else, anyone else? Hell, Numair deserves it more than I do. Why didn’t you let rip on him before he left? Daine was with him you could have had so much fun.” Their mutual friend had a terrible reputation with women, whereas far as Jon saw it, his only crime was that he had been the one to take the virginity of George’s girlfriend. Numair had the morals of a tomcat, and it was always good for a laugh.

“That may be true,” George agreed, “but you know you’re lovesick. Teasin’ the ignorant isn’t as fun.”


	2. Who I am, who I'm not, and who I wanna be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Numair continues to try to convince Daine, while she hears interesting things.

Who I am, who I'm not, and who I wanna be  
No way to know  
How long she will be next to me 

_You Found Me – The Fray_

“I always knew you were a scholar at heart. Teaching looks good on you, much better for you than that corporate nonsense.”

The warm, comforting voice broke though the trance Numair had been lulled into by the rhythmic sound of the waves crashing over the bow of the boat. He was lost in thought, watching Daine where she sat by the captain, her hair whipping around by in the bracing winds of the bay. When his old friend spoke he turned to him and smirked.

“Well yes, you’re right Lindhall, not spending fourteen hours a day in a dank office does wonders for the complexion,” he joked. “That and not wearing orange. Or have they gone back to the traditional stripes now?” The pale-haired man laughed and handed Numair a hot cup of tea.

“No progress on that front?” he asked gently, sipping from his own cup. Numair sighed and shook his head softly. The truth was, as much as the set up didn’t do a complete job of implicating him, Ozorne had been much more exacting when it came to covering up his own tracks. There was no evidence he had any clue what was going on, and without the smoking gun of the money, there was nothing that could be done. He had Gary and Jon working on his case now, but there were only so many dead-ends leads they could investigate, only so many avenues the police could track before they would inevitably end up at his trial. Without finding where the money had gone, without someone who _saw_ Ozorne with the girls, they couldn’t prove a damn thing. He told Lindhall as much as they drank their tea, the sympathy in the older man's eyes giving him little comfort.

“Tell me about Daine,” he asked, changing the subject. It didn’t surprise him to see that the resignation and sadness in Numair’s features disappeared.

“She’s extraordinary. In the last few months, she’s doing better in her classes but really all I’ve had to do is help her to test well.” Again he looked over to where she sat at the bow, chatting with the Captain and Lindhall’s assistant. Her face lit up, enthralled by whatever she and Afra were talking about. “If only she would listen, if only she could see what I, what we all see in her, She could be anything she wanted to be.”

“So, what is it you need my help with?” Lindhall asked.

“She won’t listen to anyone,” he lamented to his old tutor. “Onua, I and others we have all tried to convince her to enroll in a university. I thought seeing what sort of work she could do might help with the convincing.” Lindhall watched Numair and then turned to where Daine was talking animatedly with his assistant Afra. He watched her silently for a few minutes before he finally spoke

“I might have a better idea,” he said, a sly smile on his face.

“Ok so enough about whales, give me the dish,” Afra whispered conspiratorily to Daine. “Are the rumours true? Is he really as good as everyone says he is?”

Daine looked at Afra, confused, only to find herself blushing once the realisation hit. Eyes wide, she glanced over at where Numair and Lindhall stood to talk; only to find his eyes on her. When he smiled at her, her warm blush turned into a raging fire.

“I... I’ve never… I mean it’s not like that with us,” she stuttered out. “We’re friends that’s all.” Daine kept her eyes down not wanting to embarrass herself further. _Is that what they all think, that I’m sleeping with him? _

“Oh, sorry hun I totally wrongly assumed,” Afra laughed awkwardly, and Daine relaxed. “I mean, with the way he looks at you, I just figured you must be. He was notorious when he was post-grad, even before the tabloids got their teeth in.” Unconsciously the older girl licked at her lips, obviously thinking about some salacious tale from Numair’s youth. Daine frowned.

“What, is he some kind of fuckboi?” She asked, more than a little curious. Of course, she had heard the rumours, she had teased him enough over them, but this seemed different. Maybe it was Afra’s lusty drooling, but it seemed seedier somehow.

“Oh no, no nothing like that,” she insisted earnestly, calming Daine’s uneasiness over the way the conversation was going. “He’s a gentleman, but according to university legend, one who knows how to play a symphony on a woman’s body. That’s what they say, and to be honest I’d bloody love to find out for sure. It’s been too long since I’ve been with someone who actually knows what they are doing. Are you sure there is nothing between you two? I thought you were in a hotel together? I really don’t want to get in between you but truthfully, I’d love to try him out.”

Daine snorted, amused at the eagerness in her tone. She was talking about Numair like he was dessert. _Maybe she hopes he will be_ she said to herself.

“Sure, go for it I guess,” she replied. “You won’t be getting between anything between him and me. We’re in separate rooms and just friends, honestly.”

“Good, I’m glad,” Afra leaned back in her seat, looking over to admire the tall man at the bow of the boat with her boss. “I’ve heard great things about him… well about his tongue and dick anyway. I’m so tired of fuckboi’s, I want a decent lay for once.” She winked with exaggerated lustiness at Daine, and both girls dissolved into laughter.

The rest of the day went pretty much as Numair had hoped it would be; Daine was enthralled by the marine wildlife, and nearly as interested in hearing about Lindhall’s work on migratory breeding patterns. Finally, as they returned to the port, Lindhall bought up the topic of school.

“So Numair tells me that you’re graduating soon, but not heading to university,” he said innocently enough, but the minute the words left his lips, Daine sighed. She had known it was coming but she really wished Numair would stop doing this. She had told him so many times how she felt but he was still pushing it.

“No,” she replied in an almost mechanical fashion. “I have no way of financing a degree without loans, and like I keep telling Numair I’m not sure I’m cut out for it. I might have the smarts but I spent a long time out of normal school. I don’t want to risk getting into massive debt and flaking out, struggling to pay it all back.” She glared at Numair as she repeated the same things she had told him many times and was pleased when he at least looked contrite. Then she remembered he had the same look last time he bought it up. Staring him down, she only looked back to Lindhall when he placed a hand on hers.

“I understand that. You’re being sensible and I see why you don’t want the debt.” He smiled at her, before giving Numair a look that could only be described as smug. Daine got the sneaky suspicion the older man had told him as much before bringing up the subject with her. ”That said, I have a proposal for you. I’m joining the staff at the university in Corus, and I thought you could attend my classes for the next year. You can work, but also attend classes, so you can see if it is for you without the debt. How does that sound?”

“I don’t understand? How will that work I’m not a student at the university?” Daine queried.

“No, but with my permission, you can still sit in on my classes, and I’m happy to unofficially mark your work so you see how you are doing,” Lindhall explained gently. “It’s more common than you think, usually amongst students who’ve missed most of a semester for personal reasons, but I think it will work well for you. If you decide to enroll, we can submit your papers and sit for the exams next year. If you don’t you’ve spent a few hours a week in my company.”

Daine was stunned. Watching him intently she considered what he was saying. It made sense, but why would he arrange that for her? To mark her work also? Surely she didn’t deserve that kind of special treatment. She couldn’t be worth that sort of trouble, be worth all that effort.

“I don’t know what to say, I know Numair asked you to help me but I don’t…” she stuttered out. Again, Lindhall took her hand before he spoke.

“Even if he hadn’t asked me to help you, after meeting you today I would still have offered.” He paused as the Captain made the announcement of their imminent arrival back in Port Caynn, before continuing. “Daine, you don’t need to decide now, just let me know before classes start and I’ll get you squared away.”

“Ok, Thankyou Lindhall. Really.” She smiled, and leaned and gave him a hug. The older man blushed, returning the hug and patting her back gently.

“It's my pleasure, my dear, now, let me treat you both to dinner before you head back to your hotel.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh... so to repeat what I said to my lovely friend who proofs it all for obvious fuckups (can't really call it beta'ing) I hate exposition - I always feel like it comes out as word vomit. So this took ages for me to be happy. 
> 
> Bare with me... it will be worth it, I promise.


	3. I ain't no Juliet (pt 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Half a chapter this time, sorry. I just wanted you all to know I'm alive and haven't abandoned this.
> 
> More like my entire fucking world has collapsed on me and my husband of 10 years tells me hes decided he doesnt love my anymore and really, he's felt this way for 5 years, so great epic love stories not really flowing out of me right now. I'm working on this but honestly, other plot bunnies in my brain are easier than this to get out right now.
> 
> Comments and kudos keep me going. And i promise I will not give up on this story - it's just going to take a while because I'm not feeling the love right now. Fuck, honestly I'm questioning if I remember what it feels like for someone to even kiss me with love let alone anything else, so writing anything like that is really fucking hard...

_ I'm not gonna live my life on one side of an ampersand_   
_And even if I went with you I'm not the girl you think I am _

**Ampersand - Amanda Palmer**

Daine couldn’t help mocking Numair as they navigated the country roads back to Onua’s. The euphoric high from her classmates at the graduation ceremony had been infectious, and his serious expression was just begging for it really. “I’m shocked and appalled Numair,” she announced grandly, earning her a perplexed look. “I graduated five hours ago and you haven’t mentioned university once! I’m worried you’ve been replaced by a pod person.”

“Oh I learnt my lesson with that one magelet, no more bugging you” he replied, ignoring her as she muttered under her breath that it took him long enough. Numair raised an eyebrow and smirked as he cast his glance across to her, but otherwise keeping his attention on the road ahead of them. “Although I reserve the right to ask if you are considering Lindhall’s offer.”

In truth she had thought of little else for the last month. It was tempting – trying out the universiry thing without the financial outlay – more than tempting if she let herself be honest. There were a lot of variables to think about, a lot of practicalities she had to work out. Money and a roof over her head for one. Maybe she should discuss it with Numair, he may have solutions, but not today. _Definitely not today_, she laughed to herself. _Much more fun to tease a bit longer._

“It’s not a no” she told Numair cryptically, and he laughed.

“Ok Magelet, that’s all I can expect I suppose. For today at least.”

They were both laughing as they pulled into the ranch. Silk and some of the other ponies where running around the paddock, enjoying the sunny afternoon. There was no sign of any of the staff, but Onua’s car was parked up by the barn. Numair pulled up alongside it, noting how Daine’s smile had faded as they did.

“Sorry that Onua and Rik weren’t able to come to lunch with us after the ceremony,” he said, patting her shoulder softly. “I’m glad we were able to go and celebrate just the two of us.” She turned and hugged him awkwardly across the car.

“Thankyou for taking me to Lunch Numair, it was great really.”

“It really was my pleasure sweet,” he replied, extracting himself from the hug and getting out of the car. “What was that… _discussion_ you had with Rik about anyway?” Daine sighed, joining Numair in the walk toward the main house.

“ Oh he has a new beau,” she explained, and Numair could hear the exasperation in her tone. He got the feeling this was an age old argument between them. “The guy is totally closeted, and it’s a whole thing. It’s a pattern with Rik, he meets a cute guy who’s great bed and suddenly the world revolves around him. The phenomenal orgasms make up for the fact he either won’t commit or, the worse option, won’t admit he likes dick. Rik loves that, he gets off on the secret I suppose. Then it’s over in no time when the guy decides to try and make it work with women again. It always is.”

She sighed, and quickly reached into her bag for her keys and unlocking the front door before continuing.

“Well, thanks for the lift home.” She said, reaching up to kiss Numair on the cheek as she stepped inside. “I better go in and make sure Onua hasn’t killed Sarge. God knows what was such an emergency she had to rush back right after the cere…

**“SURPRISE!!!”**


End file.
